MY BEST FRIENDS

All along, I grew up being aloof from people. That might be because my mother died earlier and no one really mentored me on how to relate well with others. I was shy and I just want to be myelf even getting paranoid of the noisy and talkative people. That might be because I was born poor and I heard all over in town that people will only be nicer to you when you have something what they want. In short, I thought that I can have best friends in life when I will be richer, prettier and taller. With that thought in mind, I don't believe people very easily. It hurts when other people's intentions are true and genuine but I am closing my doors bluntly I failed to receive my blessings if we can call it at that.

I only had one trusted person way back in Elementary and her name was Merilyn Simblante. She was there with me through thick and thin. Our friendship blossomed in the course of time but it was on one certain incident that I made up my mind, Merilyn is going to be my best friend. You know, in elementary, there were instructions given by the teacher. I was raised sensibly by my mother before she died to obey and listen to instruction from people in authority. Our teacher in grade one said, we are not going to go out when in the classroom. Yet, I would really want to go to the comfort room and pee. But what will I do? I do not want to disobey Mrs. Lolita. So there I was sitting still on my desk all through out and well, I pee there in my desk..hahahahaha..now the secret has been revealed. But I was still a child at that time, fearful of anyone in authority, genious as others had to described me and so shy that I cannot even approached my teacher that I needed to go to the CR and pee. With that, my classmates teased me all throughout the year. They wrote my name on the black board day by day and even painted my name on the wall broadcasting it to all teachers, parents and elementary students. Every night I always prayed to Jesus to be transferred to other school but there was none to be transferred to. Other schools are too expensive my mother can no longer afford. Resigned to fate, I prayed that my classmates will stop teasing me and prayed too that one of them will be braved enough to stop the elementary students from teasing me. Yes, God heard my prayers. From all my classmates, only Merilyn stood up for me. She did not listened to teasing and even made an effort to stop it. She went with me anywhere and be the first person to defend me every time I was teased. She was courageous enough to talk to my teacher to have it stopped because it has affected me and she was there to say to all that others made a mess too in their closet-soon it will be found out-even more scary than what I had went through. She was a friend from Grade 1 until grade six. When I was so sick and cannot go to school, she endured walking to a far away mountain to visit me and discussed with me what the teachers taught in school. I remembered being so ill, she mentioned it to my teacher and all the class walked their way to our mountain bringing their letters wishing for me to be well. Because of Merilyn, I was loved by my classmates and teachers. Because of Merilyn, I believed that I had so much potential because she always believed in me. I cannot remember any betrayal from her. Being a true friend, she was there with me and plainly tell the truth most of the time. My life today is not just because I am so blessed with wit and intelligence, but it is merely because there were people like Merilyn who really believed in me.

Now in my high school. I was praying that Merilyn will be enrolled in the same school that I was in. But, it was so sad, she was on a vocational school and I was on a different school. We seldom talked. She was a working student while I was a working student too. However, everytime we have our time crossed while walking on the road from school to home, she was there to pat my back and she was not changed-she still believes in me. Our friendship had been tested with fire but it was still a solid one that no one can just marked and stepped. It was proved and tested. Thank you Lord. Having no Merilyn as my constant companion, I prayed that God will give me another Merilyn in my life. I had been with my acquaintances but had never found one until God gave me-Ana-lee. She was so religious then, waking up early in the morning for mass and we are good students too, always praying that God will help us remember what we had been studying. While others go home with a motor ride, we enjoyed having a walk from school to home-saving our one peso for our projects; one way of helping our parents too. We graduated with honors. I always remember her inviting me to go to her grandma's house to make our projects. She was so nice and she was always there to tell the truth to me even when she knows that it pains the most. But hey! it is always liberating to know the truth. Ana-lee believes in me so much like Merilyn. When we graduated, we had a firm hand shake praying that the future will be nice to us. I wasn't able to see her until last year when I met her mom as I had my vacation. I just heard the company and lo and behold the first thing I did when I arrived Cebu was to look in the directory the number of where my friend has been employed. I dialled the right number and I was able to bring her to Cutting Edge twice. Praise the Lord!

Now in the real world. God blessed me a nice job. I was hired as Praise Cathedral secretary. But, I had no friends. I didn't mind anyway. I can live even without having a close friend. But after two years of being a secretary, I sensed God calling me to become a pastor. It was challenging. I was not allowed to be closed to anyone because I need to treat others fairly. In retrospect, that was a nice advice. However, everytime I read the Bible, I was always convicted that having bestfriend is biblical just in the case of Jonathan and David. Their story was so touching that every night I always prayed that God will give me a Jonathan in my life. And yes, God gave me three in the form of Michelle, Lucy and Toni (not their real name).

Lucy. She was a woman who loves to serve the Lord. She has a nice voice and so intelligent yet she remains humble. She knows all about me and I never heard it blurted from others. She is a woman who will not forget my birthday and even treated most of the time in Chowking if she received her blessings. God knows how I deeply treasured our friendship. I knew her inside and out and I promised to the Lord that I will be there for her defending her and loving her for who she is. And yes, she a prayerful lady too, the first person who prayed for me everytime I am assigned to preach.

Michelle. She is very beautiful inside and out and her compassion to children is beyond compare. She serves the Lord whole heartedly and she never afraid to become dirty. She loves purple and she hates pink but it really doesn't matter. We treasure our friendships and we really love each other. I am praying for her and of course she is praying for me too the moment I was so down she was the first person that I called up to. She listened patiently with me as I tell stories that really hurt me. Thanks so much Michelle.

Toni. A talkative woman who wants others to be happy always. She cooked for me so many times and she showered me with gifts that touches my heart. Well, all gifts are really touching to me. How proud she was about me to her family and I am so proud of her too.

Through the years, I can say that I have so little to complain about and so much to thank God for. Jonathan's are gift to every person for they are to comfort and to cheer us. They are not perfect but the fact that God gave them to me means we have something worthwhile to share about.

Most of all, thank you dear Lord for being there for me when these Jonathans were not around.
You are the best and I know that You know it.

LIVE EVERYDAY

Yesterday was over. It may be filled with victories or despair and the thought about it might suddenly pop in the air-still-it was nothing but past. Living so much in the succesess of yesterday may be nice in a moment but hey! today is a new day worth to be celebrated too. Maybe yesterday is not about victory but defeat-yet it was all over-why cry over a spilled milk?

Today can be beautiful if we let it be. Flowers along coastal roads may not be held as jeepneys' we ride too glide so fast but we can as well breath and say only God can make theses flowers courted by a bee.

Instead of complaining of how terrible life is; boss so irritating; co-workers so medicocre, and others are so slow, why not pass by the skywalk and see how little children though not having the luxury of a clean trimmed teeth yet manage to smile through the day not minding where the next meal will be. We should therefore live everyday like little children hopeful too that our dear Lord will stay with us and has no intention of forsaking us even if we made fuss not worthy of His smile.

And yes! why are we belittling ourselves for a job not well done? Haven't we realized that we are imperfect people and that's the reason of a cross? Now, if we are still too hard to ourselves then why not manage to take a look to mental hospitals? Aren't we thankful that we can still think and that we still have hope that next project is going to be better or best? Let us live everyday not too serious and hard with ourselves because second to God we can be the best lover of our being.

And by the way, why did we allow unforgiveness to take root in a fertile ground that is our heart? Are we not mindful enough to think that soon this will grow and will bear its fruit; sad enough the fruit is so bitter even an animal will not dare to taste? Let us live everyday by casting every negative things to His care knowing His time to set the record straight will come and occur in much unexpected ways.

Yes it is true. Life can be beautiful if we let it be. Time is too short to remember each others shortcomings. Let us then set our minds straight and focus to the one who endured the cross so our life will be as easy if we want it in day to day.

Though we are not promised to stay this earth without flaws but having enough air to breath without stepping other people's toes may be a key to a peaceful sleep at night.

How did I say it again?

Live everyday and I mean really live.

MORE THAN A DEVOTION

It was January 15, 2005. I woke up late knowing there was no service in church. Later, I rushed to take a bath and off I went to wait for a jeep going to Ramos. I just later found out that the jeep will only up until Imaculada and thus I have to walk from there to church. It wasn't boring then. Walking long distance had been a norm on that one fateful day. It was a mob! The contingents on their respective costume was fun enough to see not to mention their make-up with their body to match. I continued my walk religiously, though alone then, yet my heart was filled with so much joy having a chance of observing people I even asked myself of where did they all came from. I stopped in one lane to really stare one contingent who one person was nice enough to say they came from Inayawan. Later, I heard voices shouting familiar name but whose face I haven't seen in person. I just found out that Pinoy Big Brother motorcade was slowly approaching with the house mates of course which was the reason of too much shouting I heard riding in it. True to form, a woman named Nene whom they said the ultimate winner of that show was jolly enough to entertain the masses, seeing her energetic with her dance number whose actions definitely depict the beat which was heard that day-Sinulog beat if we can call it that way. By then, people whom we thought as religious; whom we thought that their purpose of joining is to honor their patron saint sto. Niño displayed their true colors. They shouted the same name. They pushed old men and women; they pushed little children too, just so they will have a chance to see big celebrities having been famous because of a show PINOY BIG BROTHER. It was even surprising that instead of having their patron saint as the talk of the town-what you will hear from people's lips either adults and kids until you reach National Bookstore are names of Nene, Cass, Francine, Raquel and all others. Does it bother after all? Not really! No one really poke a gun on me to walk with these crowds and being pushed around were not other people's problem but mine. All in all, I got to little by little see what was in the heart of the people. People were not there because of too much devotion but they were there because SINULOG was greatly associated with fun, and recreation you can acquire for free. Part of it's affairs package is to see in real life ordinary people turned celebrities-a rare sight that was hard enough to miss-with that, who does not want to see what is into that SINULOG Day. Amazing how each one endure the scorching heat of the sun just so they will be able to stay for that activity.

Hungry, I rushed my way to carenderia but unfortunately, carenderia and other fast food restaurants were filled with so much people, Filipinos and foreigners alike and I decided to rather endure a long wait in Chowking. Besides, I will get to taste again my favorite bangus dish which I just had a handful's bite a night after that day. Thanks Yan-yan for the treat!

It was so warm in the office so I forwardly went to Robinson and sipped my darling frozen chocolate located at third floor level. It was again hard to enter in as you have to allow yourself to be pushed through with these strangers as they would like to have a cold place and a refuge as the rain pours in. I was a little bit happy knowing it rains and their honor to their saint will be stopped, but having remembered the characters of God, I knew He would still be merciful to innocent people who danced and prevail all day long. After all, He wants all men to be saved. As I was taking a walk to this department store, I saw a very compassionate God in tears watching these people. I was about to say punish them Lord, when He reminded me again that it is His goodness that leads men and women to repentance. Truly, He is good and His goodness endures forever. Who I am then to judge these people falling away from God? Or else, what difference I will be from the Pharisees!

In Robinsons first floor. I was completely shocked with what I saw. Once a clean store with people enjoying their window shopping then became a picnic place exactly like what we frequently saw in parks. People chatted and squatted on the floor enjoying bites of junk foods and ice creams which may quench a throat that may seem drying because of a sudden change of weather. Not to mention how it became a place where lovers kiss and make up too. And hey! Was that a freedom day? No guards scolded anyone there a treat which we seldom experienced on ordinary days. Feeling refreshed, I went back to church. On my way, I heard people partying everywhere. Most were dancing on the streets too and yes, no one mind, it was normal that day.

That night, I was again filled with so much hope. People's fun were almost over and I could see how desperate they were by just having a mere look on their faces. They wanted something more than a mardi gras. The place may be filled with so much love songs but it wasn't enough to fill in the void they had on their hearts. Many I know longed to feel a love that will last-the love of Jesus. And maybe because of pride devoted men and women will not agree to this, but if they will listen to their hearts I am sure that they will really want to taste that real thing-a loving embrace of God.

It really wasn't so much with their deep devotion after all. My hearts were filled with so much compassion not anymore judgment. I just couldn't help but love the masses and include them in my daily prayers. What a task ahead!

I CANNOT THANK HIM ENOUGH

My melancholy in nature dominated again. Here I am cutting articles of Lucy Torres-Gomez for my clippings. You are raising your eyebrows? Please let me explain. since Lucy started to be visible on TV, I started to like her personality. I learned to love fashion because as she said, good grooming is something you owe to yourself. I can see myself in her specially in organizing stuff and her prayer life is so amazing. Amidst being born with a silver platter in her mouth, she maintained humility-a trait that draws her more to people. She is painfully shy and yet she is confident and poise when interviewed. Do I like her? YES! Besides, my mother's personality was exactly like her. And oh! I will not be guilty too, my mother died long ago, I will have the right to look up to who I will choose as my mentor. As far as I can remember, authors of inspirational books preferably women had been my mentor. Their words are soothing to my whole being though some faces remained a mystery to me. Now, here's Lucy and her column in Philippine Star is so inspiring. Her love for family is evident and her appreciation to ordinary people are genuine. She is far from being perfect but her qualifications is more than enough to become my mentor. Her calmness and poise puzzled me because though she had been gossiped painfully, she answered it with composure. She is not just a strong woman but a woman of strength-credit it to her strong relationship with God. I cannot thank Him enough for allowing me to see someone like LUCY.

After an organized clippings about LUCY, I texted my sister, CECILE in Manila. She is my one beautiful sister whose smile and laughter brings thunder to one's room. She is a sanguine, never afraid to take risks and optimistic about life. We are texting about life whereabouts and our plan to transfer to another house presentable for relatives, friends, and visitors. My heart had been bitter for having no luxury of living a nice house-with this I am convicted the virtue of patience and perseverance. We are planning to buy new kitchen wares and it was amusing to plan with a sister you took care when she was a child. I cannot thank GOd enough for having an imperfect family yet still together through thick and thin. I had been so close to my brother since we were kids and our phone calls-hearing our voice together is enough to move to life. He was my number one fan- a boy now a man-proud of my accomplishments in life. His child is a light of our home and his wife is a rose that calm us down. My other melancholy sister LIZA-strict she may be yet her love for family is abounding. I regret so much by I dealt with her but she is still one who is proud of me-continuously loving her witch ate mitch.

As I lay in bed gazing the clouds turned gray, my mouth smiled with so much love while my hair permed all the more thinking about His unending affection.

More than expensive jewelry and expensive furniture that other will get to appreciate, God enveloped me with something worth more than zillion in this world.

Tears could not stop flowing even if I get my eyes closely to His arms. Though I saw Him gently wiping my tears, it fell all the more. His face is so radiant, His touch with so much love, and His presence with so much wonders applauded me that says "well done good and faithful child."

My tears kept flowing as I really can't thank Him enough for His goodness.

When Tears Isn't Enough To Comfort One's Fear

Bookstores! How I love it. National Bookstore is a store that stocks what I want. OMF is a Christian store that inspires me again even as I browsed pages and not to forget PCBS whose manager became a good friend of mine. These are my favorite stores and it has been a place of refuge and a box of safety one's my soul has been in a pit. Every once in a while I stopped by these stores and though may not buy books due to financial constraints, I left these places inspired again. Thank God, sales ladies and sales men are nice enough to allow me to skip pages after pages just so I will have a glimpse of the books contents.

Again, being an independent by nature, I had a hard time opening up the collection of my inner being. I maybe a good counselor as others would have said, but pride it might be, the hard thing is to be counseled upon. I passed through the test of life with God's hands gently directing me and I had been used to sharing it with Him. So when circumstances hits me, it is always been Him whom I look for guidance and direction. And with that, authors of different books helped mentored me as I go through different stages of life. This is maybe the reason why I would love to read womens books than mens' write-ups. This is not to say that I be little their writing capacity, it is just that I find a certain connection when I will be reading women's work of literature.

Come the movies. Yes, I'd love to watch Filipino movies but I had to make sure that I will learn or like the supporting lady or the lead lady character herself. This might be because my mother died as early as I was eight. Whatever the reasons are, I just love the fact that women are rising from their sit more than being the slave of men and elders alike. This is not true for all but real experienced to others as well. When a woman of strength get hurt, get sick, betrayed, and being taken advantaged of, women naturally cried but will eventually bounced back to life. Tears had become their solace and safety to avoid hitting other's feelings.

Tears had been a form of weakness to others but in reality, tears are signs of courage and tenacity. Tears are blankets of comfort, a bear that hugs and a flower that brings consolation to a tired eyes that barely see. Tears releases anger and after tears are gestures of forgiveness to a bitter bosom. But then again, what if we feel so alone and tears isn't enough to comfort our fears. What if eyes will get tired of producing teardrop and it will become so accustom of our own longings and worries? What if what had happened to us is abruptly in contrast to what we expect? What if the circumstances around seems blew out of proportion simultaneously in a different manner to what God said in His Word? What if people will no longer accept us because we seem to lose the talents they need from us? What if the people who publicly announced as our friends left us and even forsake us as one of our best buddies? What if our loved ones laugh at our lowest moments to a point of gesturing in joyful mood because they were able to get even? Will tears be dropping still in a life like Job? What if we will almost die of too much desperation?

When tears isn't enough to comfort one's fear, where we will look for comfort? Would that still be books of inspirational authors? Would that still be people spiritual people whose lips don't care enough if others get hurt or would it be raising both two hands upward in a form of surrender? Is surrender a sign of defeat after all? Would this mean giving up to life challenges and radically shout, “GET ME LORD, I AM TIRED.”

When tears isn't enough to comfort one's fear-SURRENDER and hide peacefully under the wings of a hen. A hen whose life is put a front so we will be protected. A hen who promised to wipe our tears when overloaded with life despair. A hen who run after others who would like to steal her chick. A hen whose wings are warm enough for the chick to feel the unconditional love. A hen who will protect us until we are ready to face life again. A hen who never leaves us nor forsake us. A hen whose touch is enough for us to move on and bounce back to life. A hen whose habitation brings enough comfort and peace so bitter emotions will be completely healed.
Yes, when tears isn't enough to comfort one's fear and sorrow, SURRENDER completely to the hen who never fails, who never judge but whose work is to accept one's mistakes, failures, and shortcomings. Surrender to a hen who never find fault in our daily dealings. Surrender to the hen whose intention is to see us blooming as a rose among high thorns. Surrender to the hen whose aim is to see us standing tall from an angry lions.

Friends, when life seems going up a hill with slippery roads that pulled as back from below, remember to SURRENDER and hide in the warmness of the hen's wings. You will never go wrong because those wings are too big to be our shelter-it is the wings of Jesus love.

And when eyes started to pour drops of tears again, get back to HIS wings to shield you from too much pain, gaze at His presence and gently touch His hands, as it will wipe every tear away from your eyes.

Rev 7:17 17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." (from New International Version)

MY PASSION FOR ORGANIZATION

I had been like this ever since. I remembered as a kid how I flared off over a project not given on time and to be told I need to submit it now infuriated me. What else, I would love it then had it been given to me ahead of time so I would have an ample time to prepare. I remembered how I listed down groceries purchased for my grandmas' little store so I will have my sheet balanced come the auditing time. The paradox of it comes to the fact that I hated numbers too much but not stuff that I need to organize. I knew of so many instances way back in my high school days of how genius I was called by peers and classmates appearing too serious when it comes to my studies. My favorite aunt even commented that I was doing the right thing of not bringing materials for review come the first to fourth grading exams. It was then accepted with a fake smile of my cousins whose somehow jealous with how I performed academically in school. When given deadlines by teachers, I imposed deadlines to myself too so my teachers will not have a hard time following me up. Legalistic as it may sound nor boring it might be to popular sanguines and powerful cholerics, but yes, that's just me a perfect melancholy who hates chaos and loves order. Our neighbor way back in Englis V. Rama gossiped about me for frowning all the time but the fact is, I was in my deep thought analyzing and planning things. I was mad about it for some time because I can't understand how people can be so mean. While others are up for all fun and recreation, I am left doing something that will bring order to my life. Yes to be labeled kill joy is nothing new to me since a pastor friend on the year 2000 said the same thing as well. But what is really wrong of keeping things in order, I thought? What's wrong if one has to follow instruction from a superior?

Time passed and my way of handling things vary. Yes, I am still the same old one who has penchant for organizing stuff but it has modified in some ways. I realized that not all people are like me and how I treat others may not work to some. I should therefore learn to smoothly work in various personalities and handle them wisely according to their God-given ways. Others have a hard time understanding me as well because of my high-down, up-low moments. One day, people saw me laughing boisterously and the next day they saw me sinking in despair. With that, I need to learn to be poised under pressure. It had gotten to my ears time and time again but I am still on the process of changing to be that way. For one, I needed a conscious effort to be graceful and trying to handle things with grit and composure and yes, to be emotionally stable all through out.

Up until today, arriving to a disorganized table give me a fever and flu. I love to scream if the office would be mine but I had tempered it politely if the cubicle belongs to someone else. For sure, he/she has his/her own way of arranging things so different from mine.
True to form, organization is the key to one's success. It is one way of remembering people of various ministries and it is one way of checking on things if we need them on time. When one is disciplined enough to organize, then things will just go well swimmingly without pace and intervals of what is going to be next. Piles are filed accordingly. Books are arranged according to use and literary form. Notebooks are into one direction according to what has been recorded. Pencils are in the pencil case while make-ups are all set inside a make up kit. Office table is all set for work, cleaned and wiped properly while computer is free from dust that will cause a bad cough and cold that hardly get away. Organization is a skill that can be learned when religiously pursued but it will affect much to one's system when lightly treated. Once the system is all set-up, it will be easy to follow through and once a hard life will become an easy as it glides. Organization will then our friend, best friend, and our ally to success.

Love it because for sure it will love you back!

Me in gray..giving instruction to leaders and kids during our feeding the poor taken last December 24, 2005. (Thanks Bro. Joseph Librero for the picture..your a blessing!)

from left to right: Ptra. Josie, Me, Jojo and Kuya Joseph during our badminton game!

Children are told to form a straight line.

THE RICE & THE SURPRISE MONEY

Thank God, the season of saving for gifts and for food contribution has been over. I am stepping on another year, another challenges to face, another victories to thank Him and another surprises that I know I will be excited about. Upon my reflection, I was reminded of the rice and the surprise money.

It was the Life Connection's Party in church and to make the parents contribution lesser, Children's Ministry decided to join with them. Upon our meeting, I was assigned to take charge of the registration as well as to cook for 25 kilos of rice for everybody. I happily agreed knowing I don't need to prepare for the viand and one new member in the children's ministry decided to share the load with me. Now comes the the day of the party. It was 12 noon and my partner decided to back out as to regard to her contribution for the rice because she has to go home and her money is enough for fare. I was left having no money in my pocket and the people around me had nothing to share too because of too much loss to December party fever. My mind was wandering who to go to but I was also sure that no one will lend me money to buy for the rice. I was left to no one but God. Being not a perfect daughter to Him nor sometimes at my worst in my relationship with Him, I call upon His name once again and ask help to provide for the rice. You see, time was running and the party is about to start. My mind was really thinking for a solution but it seems like no solution coming out. All of a sudden, I received texts messages echoing the same message, they will be bringing rice and they all came an hour before the party has to start. With that, I only need to cook little to add with what others bring. Wow! Sometimes what we think as our last minute is going to be a perfect time for God. We had a good party then. The food were overflowing and we had so much left over of rice that people were dividing it to bring home. After the party was over, God reminded me to keep trusting in Him and even brought me back of how He fed the five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Again, I was humbled by His goodness. I was humbled by His faithfulness. There were times that my mind had been polluted with the things of this world but He keep me on track by providing me all that I need. Truly, He is a God who gives liberally without finding fault.

Now with the surprise money. I was in debt and it was the due date. I need to pay the said amount but there was no money coming in. Again, I was thinking of a solution. I was thinking where to go. The one who have to collect for the money is about to arrive and I don't even know what to say if he will arrive. I then again ask God for help. And true indeed, before the collector will have to arrive, I receive what I call a surprise money enough to pay to that debt.

God certainly knows how much I need Him at that time. He was there and miraculously provided for the rice and for my debt.

Isa 55:8-9 8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (from New International Version)